Loving as a teen can be difficult most of the time since there’s going to be little to no experience. There’s no step-by-step manual to show you how to love or be loved. Each person’s background impacts their love language a lot.
For example, people with a parent that showed them tough love tend to give that tough love back, not being emotionally available because of issues with ego and pride. Orphans or people with one parent tend to have abandonment issues. It’s hard to not have a loving mentor to guide you into an easier chance to love and be loved.
My background with my parents is really good. My mom is a very loving person, always reassuring each one of her kids that we can talk to her about anything. My dad as well — he isn’t your typical Mexican dad with masculine pride. He always comes into my room and says “I love you”. In that aspect I’ve been really lucky and I am very grateful for that.
On the other hand, my experience with loving and dating so far has been slow.
I’ve had 2 girlfriends and lots of talking stages. My first girlfriend was in 8th grade. It was a school relationship. She taught me a lot, we grew with each other in every aspect and stage of our life, even as exes we still keep in touch and have a healthy friendship. My second girlfriend was a little more serious since I understood feelings a lot more than middle school, but it was during the pandemic. We only lasted about 3 months but it still was a really good relationship.
Both of those relationships ended for the same reasons. I felt like I deserved better. I know that’s a really cruel thing to say, but at the end of the day people need to think about themselves first so that the relationship can prosper. I realized that in both situations I was actually more into the relationship than the person. I liked that it kept me busy and I like the way I act in a relationship. I take care of myself but for the wrong reasons. I start taking care of my skin and I work out a lot more, but they’re my only motivation. I realized I needed to put myself first instead.
If you put yourself first in a relationship you get to learn how to be a better person on your own, and it’s better to share that maturity with someone else. You can learn to coexist with that person. Grow with that person. Create memories. Which all of them can lead to a very healthy relationship. Work on your insecurities, don’t just avoid them because you’ll never fully defeat them.
Talking stages for me are really important before dating. A talking stage is a way to see how your significant other acts when you’re close with one another, but it’s not as serious as actual dating. If you start the relationship too soon, it’ll just lead to an unnecessary commitment over time. But if you wait too long, the feelings might fade away.
Overall, the advice I would give teens or my children is to definitely try out dating at a young age. You’ll never know what you like until you try. Let time do its thing, and don’t force the relationship. Emotions shouldn’t be forced. Looks do matter, they’re just not everything in a relationship. At the end of the day the truth is there is no manual to falling in love.