I once read a quote from a Buddhist: “If you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your soulmate you’ll feel calm.” It just stuck with me. Every time I’ve been in a relationship, I’ve felt subconsciously aware of if she makes me feel calm or panicked. Sometimes I end relationships because I feel too nervous and anxious around them, and sometimes that’s the right thing to do for you.
I want to feel calm around someone. I want to not be in constant fear of judgment. I want someone who accepts me for who I am. Someone who makes me want to be a better person not because of who I am. I don’t want to feel like I should stay the same, I want to grow within the relationship because they inspire me to do better, to be better. To coexist alongside them. I want someone who feels like home. I want to emerge stronger out of every conflict. I want my love to be greater than my pride. To me, this is love and while I never have experienced it I look forward to it. To my first love.
Your first love is not necessarily your first boyfriend or girlfriend, It’s the first person for which you do things you never would have imagined doing. The person who makes you feel things you never even knew existed. First loves are the people who first introduce you to love. Not love for your mother or sibling love, but love with your lover. It’s the first person you let yourself be vulnerable with. In my opinion, this type of love is the most complicated one of all, since it’s the person you could possibly spend your entire life with. It’s the person who you have to accept both the good and the bad.
First loves are very significant in your love life and in general, since they’re your first love and you don’t have much experience with love in the beginning. They influence your standards a lot. They help you find what your type is. Your first love will always be a huge part of your life, no matter whether they’re still with you or not. They help you find out who you really are, your love language, your goals in all aspects whether it’s love-related or just in general.
People usually confuse their first partner with their first love, which is not often true since “first love” implies that you actually love that person. People mistake love with caring, mostly the younger crowd because of lack of experience and maturity
I think first loves can be a hit or miss. You either have a good image of them or not. You either end your relationship on good or bad terms. I think there’s always still room to learn and grow about the relationship.
For people who are dealing with a break up with their first love — I know it would be painful. When I deal with a breakup I try to put myself in both perspectives. Try to have an honest conversation after the break up. Acknowledge what you did wrong and try to improve on what you lacked. It can help give you some closure. Personally, I try an unbiased approach. But if exes don’t want to have an honest conversation, it can slow character development.
Sometimes I still have moments where I blame myself for things I never did. I ask myself if I was good to them, even though I know very well that I gave them my all.
This is The Prospector’s first installment of “Advice from Alan.” We will be publishing a series of love advice articles written by our staff writer Alan Bautista.