Homecoming: The Ultimate Scam

I don’t like dances, really don’t like places with more than 10 people–it’s way too many people. People are annoying and they don’t know when to shut up. Why would I go to a place that will definitely be crowded with over 10 people—a waste of my precious time. I can spend that time doing so many better things like, sit, eat, breathe, and other more deserving tasks. They’re pretty great compared to the hot and disgusting high school dance students call homecoming. I call it, a mosh pit of high school students.
People underestimate the power of doing nothing. My ears won’t bleed from the sounds of people yelling and loud music if I sit at home doing nothing. My body won’t be smashed by sweaty adolescents. I wouldn’t be exposed to whatever diseases I might contract from being in the general vicinity of other bodies. With the amount of time spent at homecoming I could probably learn how to do something really cool like learning how to weave baskets underwater while juggling. Realistically speaking that would be impossible because I don’t think you can juggle underwater, but the four hours people spend at homecoming could be extremely useful to anyone who doesn’t go.
Even if I did go I can’t do anything. You won’t catch me dancing to music. If you do, make sure you have the upper body strength to catch me, but don’t worry, I’m not very heavy. I’d rather not pretend I know how to dance like some people who stand around in the big mosh pit of the dance floor. Who knows what goes on in that circle. People twerk and yike (I had to google how to spell that) during the dance, but is there any actual dancing? Either way, I would prefer to avoid contracting stupidity from anyone who goes into that mosh pit. I prefer to live life on the edge of a couch, watching TV and not having a care in the world, not living life in the middle of a disgusting mosh pit of 2000 people.
However many times a friend will ask me to go to Homecoming, I will respond with a flat no. With all the different things going on at homecoming I would still be bored out of my mind having to talk to people for four hours. That’s an extremely long time to talk to people and your voice would be ruined by the end of the dance. If anyone is actually able to talk for four hours at a dance they would probably be unable to speak at a normal volume for the rest of the night since they wouldn’t be able to hear their own voice at the dance.
Homecoming is boring, loud, and overall a waste of 20 dollars I could spend somewhere else. I can spend 20 dollars on anything more important, like food or anything other than a school dance. If I spend 20 dollars, I would have to spend even more money on snacks and drinks at Homecoming. One scam after another, and by the end of the dance I can boast of losing 20 dollars, my voice, more money, my sanity, and innocence.

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