America the Great

It is Friday, the 20th of January, 2017. On the Capitol’s Western Front in Washington DC, the president-elect approaches the podium, and places a small left hand on the cover of The Art of the Deal.
As a crowd pastier than the White House screams the last name of the building’s new tenant, Chief Justice John Roberts begins. “Repeat after me: I do solemnly swear –”
“I do solemnly swear –”
“That I will faithfully execute the Office of the President of the United States –”
“That I will faithfully execute the Office of the President of the United States –”
“And will, to the best of my ability –”
“And will, to the best of my ability –”
“Preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States –”
“Preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States –”
“So help me God –”
But here, the new leader of the free world stops. He frowns. “You know, John, — and I say this all the time — I don’t ask for help,” he says. “I just don’t. You know it, everybody knows it — I never do. My father gave me a loan, a tiny, very small loan — and that was it. It’s true! But I’m still really rich. And it’s because I am a hard worker — a great worker. People always tell me how great of a worker I am.”
Bewildered, Justice Roberts protests. “But Mr. –”
“John — I’m talking. That was very rude of you to interrupt me, John. Very rude. You better watch out, or you’ll share a cell with crooked Hillary!”
The crowd cheers. Sheepishly, the Justice takes a seat.
“Like I was saying: I am a hard worker, okay? But in this country, some people — and this is a tremendous problem — they don’t work hard. And let me tell you, it’s the illegal immigrants. We’re giving these people handouts! For occupying our country! It’s a disaster.”
Beside him, a woman from Slovenia smiles and nods.
“And so we’re going to build a big, beautiful wall. It’s gonna be so huge, so beautiful, you won’t believe it!” His remarks are well-received.
Meanwhile, on a roadside far from the ceremony, a cranky old Brooklynite with a shock of white hair has attracted a small crowd of college students, and pigeons. He is still running for president.
“Also, jobs,” continues the actual, magnificent leader back at the Capitol, once the applause subsides. “They’re coming back. Because believe me, when it’s a smart, strong man negotiating — and I’m very smart and very strong, both of those — and not that sad weakling president Obama –”
The crowd boos and hisses.
“I know, I know — but when it’s me, I’ll tell you what, China and Mexico are just gonna throw us our jobs right back! They are going to be so scared, let me tell you — they’re the ones that better say ‘So help me God!’”
The crowd erupts.
“We’re gonna win so much, you’re gonna be sick of it!”
Absolute hysteria. People toss their “Make America Great Again” hats skywards, reddening the heavens with fabric imported possibly from China and Mexico. A wild-eyed Chris Christie is detained by security as he attempts to scale the Capitol’s balcony and kiss the commander in chief’s shoes. Every day will be president’s day for a while.
Out at sea, a tear streams down Lady Liberty’s rusted cheek.

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