The Earl of Sandwich invented the sandwich to eat meat while gambling, and not get meat juice all over the cards and money. That is why they call him the Earl of Sandwich. He did not invent the hotdog. Hotdogs are not sandwiches. Hotdogs are not sandwiches! Really! They just plainly are not. Anybody who says hotdogs are sandwiches is mean. If a hotdog is a sandwich then a taco is a sandwich. When you eat a sandwich the bread part is not on the sides. It is on the top and bottom. Even if you separate the bun into two pieces you still have the issue of the food’s orientation. I suppose if you separated the bun into two pieces, and then ate the hotdog with the two pieces of bun on the top and bottom of the hotdog, then we could have a conversation about the “sandwichness” of your hotdog.
Then the shape is the problem. Sandwiches are not that skinny and long. The last thing I would want to hear is, “hey do you want a bite of my sandwich”, followed by someone offering me a piece of their damn dog. Hot dogs do not occupy the same ontological space as sandwiches, culturally. They do not share the sandwich’s societal experience. If we ask a friend to bring sandwiches to a party and they bring hot dogs then they can consider themselves no longer a friend of ours. The confusion that arises from our predispositions about what sandwiches are and are not rules out the hotdog, or even, dare I say the hamburger, from being a sandwich, even though technically there is an argument to be made there.
I am writing this quote opinion unquote piece to clear this up and prevent such trickery from occurring ever again. If anyone tries to portray a mere hotdog as a sandwich they will invoke the mighty wrath of the Prospector and all its affiliates.